none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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