she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Two words: nipple clamps
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