i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
