wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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