I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize