I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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