Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
