It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Terrible idea I love it
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
