she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
