You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You have to summon your inner elephant
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
