so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
