you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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