loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
