apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
