I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
