shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
