I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
