it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
