Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
