Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
