there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
