im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
