Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
