i just wanna soil my oats bro
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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