If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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