I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
