you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
