She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
