those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
