***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
