We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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