just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize