I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I wear drunk well.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
