Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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