My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
