A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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