Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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