Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize