please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
