Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
