So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
