One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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