Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
