Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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