The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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