Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
