you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize