I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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