I can text with my tongue
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
