well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
