I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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