Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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