Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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