He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
