She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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