Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize