my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
