just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
