i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
