HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
