I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
