how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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