Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
