If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
