i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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