3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
did i walk over a car last night?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
