Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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