Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I smell like Dick and happiness
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