I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
