Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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