something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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