I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
