Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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