Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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