totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
