Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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