high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
