I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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