I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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