Little spoons don't ask big questions
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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