I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Randomize
