Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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