he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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