I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
