I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
