bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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