so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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