oh fat girl friday strikes again...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
this is an emotional support booty call
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
