how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
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