turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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