My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
