I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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