About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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