Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
