He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
