I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
