those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
