She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
