32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
a search helicopter?!
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
