Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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