dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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