just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
