i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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