good thing vaginas are great cup holders
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
