do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
