I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
