I'm going to jail i love you
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
