did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
