is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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