I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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