so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
