Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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