Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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