Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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