Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
