Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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