I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
