There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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