i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
