my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I have already put on my inside pants.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
