I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
